Festival of the Arts is a big deal in our community. Kids from all over the conference come to sing, play, paint, photograph, and otherwise showcase their creativity. My first Festival of the Arts, four years ago, was the first time I ever thought I was pregnant. My second Festival of the Arts, three years ago, was the first time I heard about a literature teacher opening and met the principal who would later hire me. Each year, Festival of the Arts feels like a milestone. This year, I really was pregnant, I had the great teaching job, and as we left rehearsals Friday evening, we got the call. B's water had broken, and the agency wanted to know how quickly we could get to Texas.
One thousand and fifty-eight miles stand between us and Dallas, so we pulled into our driveway, packed our bags in a flurry, and hit the road at 7:30 p.m.
We took turns driving and sleeping all night and into the next day. We thoroughly documented every gas stop, took plenty of pictures of each other's naps, and listened to way more Adventures and Odyssey than should ever be listened to in one sitting. Finally, we arrived at the hospital on Sabbath afternoon. The baby had been born early that morning, but because of some hospital paperwork, we had to wait a few hours before we were able to meet him. We were nervous, we were tired, and we we were hungry, but the hour and a half we spent with B's baby boy is one of my most precious memories.
All this time, Dustin and I knew that this baby belonged to someone else. We asked permission before holding him or taking pictures. We were careful not to use possessive language. We simply loved this baby for who he was, and we loved his parents for who they were, and we have zero regrets about our time at the hospital.
Over the next couple of days, we waited for paperwork and placement. In Texas, parents cannot sign relinquishment papers until 48 hours after birth, and this allows mothers to begin recovering from the birth before they make an irrevocable decision about their child's future. In the past, mothers were often coerced into signing adoption papers while still under the influence of pain management medicines or before having a chance to see their children. Today, many states have taken action to prevent this type of coercion. For 48 hours, Dustin and I waited for the paperwork to go through, but on Monday afternoon (April Fools' Day), Dustin and I got the phone call from the agency that B had decided to parent her baby.
We were in the middle of a car wash, making the call from the case worker confusing and difficult to hear, but we knew as soon as we heard her voice that the adoption wasn't going to happen. We are happy for B and know that she will be an amazing mother to that little boy, but the call still shocked and confused us. We immediately drove to the hotel through our tears and packed up our things, including the many baby clothes and supplies our family had thrown together for our last-minute trip. We had picked up a potted flower plant for B's hospital room, and we left it in the hotel lobby because we couldn't figure out what else to do with it. We were crushed. We started driving away from the city as quickly as we could, but we just kept seeing the buildings and signs that we had seen with so much excitement and hope two days before. The drive from Texas to Florida was the longest, saddest road trip we have ever taken.
When we feel hurt or disappointed, it's easy to assign blame -- or at least to look for that fault wherever we can. I have noticed over the past few months that because others care so much about us, they also sometimes feel hurt or angry, and those feelings are valid. In this case, however, I think it's important for both us and those who care about us to understand that as much as this situation hurt, and as disappointed as we feel, nobody did anything wrong.
This situation hasn't helped me feel any better about April Fools' Day. This was one of the biggest disappointments we've faced so far, and coping with it hasn't been easy. Even waiting for May Baby's birth has become emotional, as we are still five weeks out, and I have been much closer to motherhood (twice) with no baby to show for it. Still, I will not allow this season to make me bitter. If I don't come out of this more like Jesus, it was all for nothing, and it cannot be all for nothing. Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, "anger lodges in the bosom of fools," and we are determined that this April Fools' Day will not lodge anger in our hearts. We are learning patience, we are learning surrender, and we are learning unconditional love. Please continue to pray for us as we move forward in our journey to grow our family.
One thousand and fifty-eight miles stand between us and Dallas, so we pulled into our driveway, packed our bags in a flurry, and hit the road at 7:30 p.m.
We took turns driving and sleeping all night and into the next day. We thoroughly documented every gas stop, took plenty of pictures of each other's naps, and listened to way more Adventures and Odyssey than should ever be listened to in one sitting. Finally, we arrived at the hospital on Sabbath afternoon. The baby had been born early that morning, but because of some hospital paperwork, we had to wait a few hours before we were able to meet him. We were nervous, we were tired, and we we were hungry, but the hour and a half we spent with B's baby boy is one of my most precious memories.
All this time, Dustin and I knew that this baby belonged to someone else. We asked permission before holding him or taking pictures. We were careful not to use possessive language. We simply loved this baby for who he was, and we loved his parents for who they were, and we have zero regrets about our time at the hospital.
Over the next couple of days, we waited for paperwork and placement. In Texas, parents cannot sign relinquishment papers until 48 hours after birth, and this allows mothers to begin recovering from the birth before they make an irrevocable decision about their child's future. In the past, mothers were often coerced into signing adoption papers while still under the influence of pain management medicines or before having a chance to see their children. Today, many states have taken action to prevent this type of coercion. For 48 hours, Dustin and I waited for the paperwork to go through, but on Monday afternoon (April Fools' Day), Dustin and I got the phone call from the agency that B had decided to parent her baby.
We were in the middle of a car wash, making the call from the case worker confusing and difficult to hear, but we knew as soon as we heard her voice that the adoption wasn't going to happen. We are happy for B and know that she will be an amazing mother to that little boy, but the call still shocked and confused us. We immediately drove to the hotel through our tears and packed up our things, including the many baby clothes and supplies our family had thrown together for our last-minute trip. We had picked up a potted flower plant for B's hospital room, and we left it in the hotel lobby because we couldn't figure out what else to do with it. We were crushed. We started driving away from the city as quickly as we could, but we just kept seeing the buildings and signs that we had seen with so much excitement and hope two days before. The drive from Texas to Florida was the longest, saddest road trip we have ever taken.
When we feel hurt or disappointed, it's easy to assign blame -- or at least to look for that fault wherever we can. I have noticed over the past few months that because others care so much about us, they also sometimes feel hurt or angry, and those feelings are valid. In this case, however, I think it's important for both us and those who care about us to understand that as much as this situation hurt, and as disappointed as we feel, nobody did anything wrong.
- Dustin and I prayed really hard about this case, and we know that we were supposed to present, we were supposed to travel to Texas, and we were supposed to meet this baby.
- Our agency was honest, ethical, and supportive of every person involved. The case worker we met at the hospital was helpful and sincere, and we know she treated B with the utmost respect.
- The baby's parents have every right to parent their child. He is their child. This wasn't their original plan, but it is absolutely up to them to make that final decision. We told them that we supported their decision and that we could tell they were wonderful parents.
This situation hasn't helped me feel any better about April Fools' Day. This was one of the biggest disappointments we've faced so far, and coping with it hasn't been easy. Even waiting for May Baby's birth has become emotional, as we are still five weeks out, and I have been much closer to motherhood (twice) with no baby to show for it. Still, I will not allow this season to make me bitter. If I don't come out of this more like Jesus, it was all for nothing, and it cannot be all for nothing. Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, "anger lodges in the bosom of fools," and we are determined that this April Fools' Day will not lodge anger in our hearts. We are learning patience, we are learning surrender, and we are learning unconditional love. Please continue to pray for us as we move forward in our journey to grow our family.
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